


Door, Lock, and Key

by Dimonds456



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon), Steven Universe Future (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Timeline, F/F, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:41:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27269650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dimonds456/pseuds/Dimonds456
Summary: He felt the guilt instantly begin to weigh on him, knowing what he had just asked his family to do for him. But, Garnet didn’t become angry or fall apart. Instead, she smiled and wrapped him in an embrace. “Thank you,” she murmured, “for trusting us.”Those words shot him through the heart. Trust. That’s what this was, wasn’t it? Trusting that his family knew what to do? He felt his eyes well with tears.When had he stopped trusting them?--------Alternate turn of events in Future, where Steven opens up early on instead of harboring his feelings close and letting them fester. Inspired by @Steven-Universe-AU-Prompts on Tumblr!
Relationships: Bismuth & Pearl (Steven Universe), Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Connverse, Garnet/Ruby/Sapphire (Steven Universe), Ruby/Sapphire (Steven Universe), Steven Universe / Connie Maheswaran
Comments: 10
Kudos: 54





	1. Reflection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven thinks about what went down at the Reef, and gets a visitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoo boy, so here we are. This fic is gonna be a bit different, since it was in response to a think on Tumblr. I wrote this chapter in response to @Steven-Universe-AU-Prompts’ post, suggesting a Future where he opens up earlier about his problems instead of harboring them.
> 
> But, old habits die hard.
> 
> I’m going to work on this one when I want, and the chapters will be a LOT shorter than what I normally do. This one is also run on people wanting more, so if you wanna know what’s next, let me know!

It was late at night. They had warped back late, as the sun was already gone below the horizon, but now, it had been hours later. The beautiful moonlight shone through Steven’s bedroom windows, painting his warm-colored room in cooler tones.

He laid down in bed, tucked under the covers. It was warm, warm enough that he was usually lulled to sleep by now, but tonight he just couldn’t, not after the Reef. Not after Volleyball.

It was… terrifying, to put it lightly. He, Pearl, and Pink’s original Pearl- nicknamed Volleyball- had gone to a gem location called the Reef to try and heal a crack on the pink pearl’s face, but it had ended in horrible disaster. The crack was still there, and Steven had managed to successfully traumatize the poor gem again by unleashing a scream not unlike the one that had broken her in the first place. That had triggered the Reef to nearly rejuvenate her, along with his own guardian Pearl, and it was only their shared trauma over Pink that allowed them to break free, together.

How messed up was that?

Steven couldn’t stop thinking about it. If either of them had been standing closer to him, he could have seriously hurt them. Volleyball’s crack might have worsened, she could have poofed or shattered (Oh, _stars_ , he hoped that scream couldn’t shatter anyone), or worse! Then there’s Pearl herself. She could have gotten a crack just like Volley’s, extending down to cover her eye, or her mouth or throat, rendering her unable to speak even though she only just fully reclaimed her voice two years ago-

His thoughts were broken by the sound of heavy, yet careful footsteps climbing up the stairs to his bed. Steven closed his eyes quickly, allowing his chest to rise and fall much slower than he actually needed it to. The door creaked open, and he resisted the urge to hold his breath altogether.

“Steven,” a soft voice called out. “I know you’re still awake.”

Steven groaned, rolling over to sit up properly. He met Garnet’s gaze tiredly. “‘M that bad at faking it, huh?”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Garnet replied softly, the hint of a smile crossing her lips. Light flashed across her visor, cast down from the moonlight outside. Future vision.

She knew, then.

Steven looked down in shame, making the mental connection himself. “Pearl told you all about it, then?”

Garnet hummed in confirmation. She began to fully enter the room now, heading to sit down at the foot of his bed. “She told me about the yell, and the two of them fusing together.”

Steven didn’t meet her visor-covered gaze, instead focusing on a pattern in his wood floor. He tensed, waiting for her to continue before jumping to conclusions about why she was here. His first thought was that she was here to scold him, but knowing her, she’d more than likely wait until morning to do it, he was awake or not. But if not to scold, then what?

After a few seconds of uncomfortable silence, Garnet placed a hand on his back, rubbing comfortingly. “I know that you have a lot of negative emotions towards Rose Quartz,” she began, “and I wish there was something I could do to help you out. I’ve never heard of Rose ever having a scream like that, nor of even Pink Diamond herself. Your powers are tied to your emotions, so you must have been feeling something extreme.”

Steven shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah, I guess so…”

Garnet tilted her head just a bit, moving her hand to lift his chin up to be level with her gaze. “Do you mind telling what it was?”

The ‘ _so we can avoid that ever happening again’_ was left unsaid, but Steven felt its presence hanging in the air. And frankly, he agreed. He sighed, burying his face in his hands. “…Anger, frustration, disappointment… I just-!” He lifted his head back up, his hands balling into fists as he remembered that moment- the fury he felt at knowing more horrible things his mom did that hurt more people, meaning he had more issues to deal with. It was suffocating! “Mom hurt her so badly,” he started. “He broke her, and then she was just _handed_ off to White Diamond without ever fixing it! And Pearl was hurt by her too! It was them being hurt _together_ that allowed them to escape being rejuvenated, which I _guess_ is poetic, but still! They’re both hurt because of her, and Pearl admitted to never stop _being_ hurt! I just…” he trailed off.

Garnet seemed to understand. She moved her hand up to his head, petting his hair a bit. “You were angry. We can work with that.” She took the hand that had been on his back and now reached for his hand. “Steven, I know that Rose is… a sore spot for you. We can try to avoid it as much as possible, if you-“

“No, no it’s fine,” Steven grumbled. “You don’t have to do that. It was my fault I lost control in the first place, not-“

“Steven, I’m not blaming anyone for what happened,” Garnet cut in. “I want to help you, and if Rose is a stressor for you, then let us take care of situations involving her from now on. Alright?”

Steven finally looked up and met her eyes, or where they would be through her visor. His brows furrowed. “But, I know that Mo- Rose is a sore spot for you guys, too,” he insisted. “You shouldn’t have to deal with it any more than I should.”

“And I could say the same for you.” Garnet pressed a few fingers to her visor, and it disappeared, leaving light twinkling away in its place for a second or so. Her three eyes met his, and in that moment, Steven felt like he was being examined under a microscope or something. Garnet knew something he didn’t, and was trying to prevent it from occurring. More outbursts, maybe? “I want you to know that we are still your guardians, and our job it to protect you,” she insisted. “Please, Steven- if something is troubling you, let us know and we will handle it. Alright?”

Steven’s eyes flicked back and forth between her three, seeing the vulnerability in each of them. Garnet was worried, scared even, and just wanted to protect him. But, he wanted to protect her, too, and he couldn’t risk her falling apart again. He couldn’t risk any of them falling apart, literally or otherwise. Opening up and allowing them this would put them all through more pain, and they didn’t deserve that. But at the same time, a smaller part of him told him that he didn’t deserve that either, and that Garnet was right. He’s done enough for now.

His eyes dropped down, locking with the floor again. “Okay.”

He felt the guilt instantly begin to weigh on him, knowing what he had just asked his family to do for him. But, Garnet didn’t become angry or fall apart. Instead, she smiled and wrapped him in an embrace. “Thank you,” she murmured, “for trusting us.”

Those words shot him through the heart. _Trust_. That’s what this was, wasn’t it? Trusting that his family knew what to do? He felt his eyes well with tears.

_When had he stopped trusting them?_

“G-Garnet,” he sniffled, trying hard not to let the tears fall, “I… I’m sorry.”

Garnet tensed a bit at those words, but said nothing, allowing him to continue.

“I… I don’t trust you. But I want to. I don’t know when I stopped, I- you all- I want to trust you guys again, so…” he looked up, meeting her widened eyes again, “…do you- do you mind if I tell you a couple more things? Just in case?”

Garnet’s gaze softened. She pulled him back against her, snug in the embrace, and ran her hand through his hair again. “No, not at all,” she murmured softly. “Say whatever you need to say.”


	2. Trust is Easier Said Than Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven reflects on his talk with Garnet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: disassociation, anxiety
> 
> Nothing too bad, but I figured I’d warn anyways.

Steven thought for a moment. He’d have to be careful about what he’d tell her, as her knowing just how messed up he was could lead to something bad. She must not know, else she would have confronted him already.

The fact that not even Garnet knew how much he was hiding was scary. He didn’t want it to be, though. He was so, so tired of being scared all the time. But, he had to be careful. He had to be. Maybe breaking it to her slowly was the best way to do this?

The whole time he thought, Garnet hadn’t moved. She let him gather his thoughts together, still running a hand through his hair affectionately. If she knew everything that was bothering him, would that hand still be there? Would it be again? The anxiety of the unknown, and Steven knowing he was taking a risk at her expense, was suffocating.

“A-actually,” he murmured, “I need to- I need time to really get together what I wanna say. Is…” he looked up at her again. “Is that okay?”

Now, logically, Steven knew that Garnet would agree. She knew how hard it was to carry burdens like this (oh _gosh,_ he was just adding to the pile, wasn’t he?), so she’d be more than happy to continue this discussion in the morning. But _man,_ his brain, fresh off of hurting both a stranger and a family member, did _not_ let him alone after the question was out of his mouth.

It was easy- almost _too_ easy- to imagine Garnet pushing him, begging to know more so he never hurts someone again, telling him that he was a threat that needed to be contained as fast as possible. If he went back to sleep, he would have a nightmare and scream, breaking the bedroom around him, debris falling onto the lower floor, a sharp piece of wood landing at just the right angle on top of Pearl or Amethyst, then more to slam it in like a knife, they’d poof, _and it’s his fault-_

“Sure, Steven- we can continue this conversation whenever you’re ready.” Garnet gave Steven one last squeeze before standing up, letting his bed shift back to normal without the added weight from her.

Gems were not organic, anyone could tell you that, but because of their hard light exteriors, they did radiate a faint heat not unlike that of another human being. They ran a bit colder, but that was fine on any day. Their forms had to constantly run more light through them, too, creating something akin to a heartbeat as well, refreshing their bodies to make sure they didn’t deteriorate.

When Garnet stood up, her spot felt cold. Empty.

“I’m going to be downstairs,” the maroon gem announced softly. “Come down if you need anything.”

Steven gave a light nod to show he heard. “‘Kay. Thanks.”

Garnet gave him a nod and a thumbs up in return, smiling at him, before reaching a hand up to flick across her face. Her visor reappeared, and she exited his room swiftly and with confidence. She gently shut his door behind her, and he listened to her heavy footsteps retreat back down the stairs.

Steven remained where he was for a while, sitting upright in bed, facing the window. He could see his clock out of the corner of his eye, but he didn’t face it for fear of what number would be displayed on it. It was still dark outside, and so the teen was happy to relish in the _fact_ that he still had plenty of time to catch some sleep. Which he could do at any time.

Any moment now.

Aaaaany minute now, he’d lie back down and finally fall asleep.

But, he found himself frozen. His mind wasn’t empty per say- he had too many thoughts to latch onto one at once- but he still found it blank. In his mind’s eye, he could see the next morning to clearly: he’d get up, smile, go about his morning routine, then tell Garnet about all the demons in his head.

_“Hey, Garnet! Good morning! So, I’ve had some time to think, and I think I’m ready to open up now. So, that scream was only a little bit of what’s new. Did you know that every time I turn pink, things around me start to break? I actually beat Jasper in a fight on my own- or at least I could have if I didn’t stop- and I can slow down time! That’s cool, except all of those things happen whenever I’m mad, or upset, or stressed, or just generally not okay, which means I’m glowing a lot. Did you know I’ll start glowing if I’m just alone in my room thinking about things? One time I was taking a shower and I just remembered that time right before Ruby and Sapphire’s wedding when I took a shower, too, and I started glowing! Every time someone mentions Mom at this point, I start glowing! So, yeah, I guess don’t ever be negative near me or I might blow you to smithereens!”_

Cuz _that_ would go over _wonderfully_ with her.

But, he told her that he would open up more- no, he told her that he would _trust_ her more, and trusting her mean trusting her to not fall apart on him. But, could he do that? If she did, Ruby and Sapphire would be in turmoil, and he’d need to bring them together again, for a third- possibly fourth- time.

Just thinking about that fallout was exhausting.

But, he promised. So, he’d need to start with smaller things and go bigger from there, right? Small things to tell her that might set him off…

Well, what small things were there? He thought for a moment, not entirely sure what counted as a “big” thing or a “small” thing himself yet.

Mom? Definitely a big thing, and she already knew about that one. She hadn’t fallen apart over the big one. That was good. But, did she know just how big was big, and just how bad it was? Surly she didn’t- she only knew what he and Pearl had told her. So, yeah, she was probably missing a few things here and there, and Rose was a big stressor for all of them. How much more could she take?

Probably shouldn’t talk about her, then.

Jasper? No, absolutely not. Steven was a _pacifist._ If she found out that he’d engaged a fight with her and _nearly beat her,_ she’d flip.

The time thing with Smokey? That one seemed a lot more tame, but Steven couldn’t really remember what emotion had caused that pink. The roller coaster was about to go into the water, and they weren’t going to make it in time. Determination, maybe? But determination could be a positive emotion, and he’d figured out that his pink powers were negative a long while ago. Unless…? Maybe he was wrong about them. Maybe they were just a power upgrade from everything before, and he’d just never yelled loudly enough to break anything before…?

No, that was dumb. But maybe Garnet could help him figure it out. Maybe she could help him figure out all his powers. He just needed to be open and honest, and _trust_ her. He had to _trust_ her. That was the whole point.

But, how much to trust her with? How much could she take? At what point was it selfish to dump everything on her? Would this help or hurt her future vision? Would she tell Amethyst and Pearl? His dad? How would they take it? They’d flip! Pearl would blame herself for not being there, or not seeing it sooner, even though this was all his fault, and Amethyst would try to take his mind off stuff while suppressing her emotions so she didn’t fall apart on him, but she would. They all would.

Wouldn’t they?

His gem hummed, and suddenly, Steven was glowing again. His heart spiked in panic, and he tried to force himself to calm down. It wasn’t as hard as last time, so the glow was gone within a second or so, but just the fact that he had glowed- _again-_ just because he was thinking about stuff was telling. He was falling apart, and needed to keep himself together. For them. If he fell apart, they would, too, and no one would be able to pick up the pieces.

He couldn’t do that to them. He just couldn’t.

So, he forced himself to just lay back down, close his eyes, and try to sleep. Just _try._ That was something he could do for himself. He’d have a clearer head in the morning.

Tomorrow, he’d tell Garnet about Smokey Quartz, and they’d figure it out from there.

It took a while, but eventually, he fell asleep. It was going to be okay.

He had to trust that it was going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I may be projecting a bit, but whenever I disassociate, it usually feels something like this. Your mind’s eye starts working, and you start to imagine things, but at the same time, there’s nothing playing. It’s like an empty projector playing thoughts instead of a movie. Irl I just sit there with my eyes open and stare at nothing without blinking, sometimes for minutes at a time. It sucks, since I find that 50% of the time, I can’t control when it happens and I’ll be in the middle of a conversation and just zone out. 
> 
> Steven seems to have the same or a similar type of disassociation, since we see him do it in Rose Buds. Hippy Rose keeps rambling, and Steven starts to tune her out as he just. Stares. At the Rose that looks like his mom. He does it again in Mr. Universe, but that’s a different kind since he’s just tuning Greg out and is aware of his own actions there.
> 
> Anyways. Tell me what you think! Here’s to hoping the talk goes well ^^u


	3. Morning Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Steven’s mind is a dam that’s about to overflow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took so long. I lost motivation for a while, and then last week I had a TON of science to do, but now that that’s all out of the way, we should be good to go! Enjoy!
> 
> Also Garnet is Best Mom.

Steven woke up the next morning feeling exhausted. He had eventually fallen asleep, but at what time, he wasn’t sure. It had been late, though, and he was sure he’d be miserable for at least a few hours today because of it. He made a quick note to himself to try and _maybe_ go to bed early tonight.

It was routine from there. He pulled himself regretfully out of bed, took a shower, got dressed, brushed his hair and teeth, and by the time he walked out of the downstairs bathroom, a half an hour of the morning was already gone.

So maybe the shower was a bit longer than usual, no big deal. The warm water felt nice to the tired teenager.

Garnet was already in the living room, sitting on the couch expectantly. On the coffee table sat a plate of fresh-made eggs and a glass of milk, the eggs still steaming a bit from coming fresh off the pan.

Right. There was no avoiding this forever.

Steven’s stomach gurgled, and he allowed himself to walk over towards the maroon gem.

“Good morning, Steven,” she greeted warmly. “I made breakfast.”

“Thanks, Garnet,” Steven gave her a small, tired smile, sitting down next to her. He picked up the plate and set it on his lap, but didn’t make a move to eat anything on it just yet. Instead, his eyes began to dart around, nervousness beginning to churn in his chest.

He could do this. He could do this he could do this.

“So, uhm, about last night…”

Garnet sat up a bit straighter beside him, giving Steven her full attention. Subconsciously, Steven shrunk a bit under the spotlight.

“I… I said I wanted to trust you again, and I know that means opening up. I don’t know how much you wanna… I’ll start one thing at a time.” He looked up at her, just to be sure she wasn’t against this idea.

Garnet said nothing, waiting for him to continue. That was good, right?

“So, I, um… a couple of weeks ago, Amethyst introduced me to GHEM,” Steven began, picking up confidence as he went. “She showed me what a lot of gems were doing, and I thought it was a good idea. So, I figured I’d help out by building on her idea and having gems dip their toes into new things instead of doing things they were comfortable with.” He laughed in embarrassment. “Long story short, it didn’t go well. We had to fuse into Smokey in order to fix everything. But, while we were trying to fix everything, the rollercoaster broke. Everyone on it was going to get thrown into the sea, and we weren’t going to make it. But, then I started glowing pink again- err, Smokey started glowing pink because of me- and they were able to slow down time.” For a second, he allowed himself to smile at the memory. “We got everyone off, but by the time the people were saved, the glow went away and the coaster crashed into the ocean.”

Garnet gave a small hum of thought. “Sounds like you three had quite the adventure,” she remarked. “You were able to save everyone, so why tell me about this incident?”

Steven finally just decided to put the eggs back down on the table before facing her completely. “I guess I was hoping you could help me figure out what it was that triggered the pink glow that time. I don’t… really know, or remember. I was thinking determination, but that emotion isn’t inherently _bad…_ ”

Garnet crossed her legs, bringing a hand up to her chin in thought. “…Well, from what you told me, you didn’t think you could get there fast enough to save the people. You were probably scared for them. Or, due to the toll that would have had on you, you may have been feeling stressed and overwhelmed with everything you had to fix that day, and the prospect of letting a seemingly harmless experiment go awry and people getting hurt because of it could have been enough to trigger such a reaction from your gem.”

Steven gazed up at her, wide-eyed. “So, is that what this is? Fear?”

“It could be.”

Steven frowned, thinking this over for a minute. That… didn’t make sense in the long run. At the Reef, he wasn’t _afraid_ of anything, he was angry. _Furious._ And when he was fighting Jasper, he was frustrated. He was so sure it was anger… but fear could also be a real possibility. But it didn’t make _sense._

“I don’t think it’s fear,” Steven commented after a minute. “In the Reef, I was mad, not afraid. And I only felt fear after I stopped glowing, when Pearl and Volleyball were…” he swallowed, “…were about to get rejuvenated.”

“Then maybe stress or anxiety could be the cause,” Garnet told him. “Does that match?

“Well, I don’t know… I…” Steven hummed in thought. His fight with Jasper had been a wild mix of a bunch of emotions, but was stress one of them? He supposed it very well could be- she had him pinned when his glow activated. That would stress anyone out.

He took a moment to look at Garnet. Upon studying her features, Steven realized that nothing had really changed about her. They were having a normal conversation, or it seemed like it. She wasn’t tensing up at all, she wasn’t wide-eyed (from what he could tell with her visor on), she wasn’t having a meltdown because of what he’d just told her…

“I, um, there’s other things, too,” Steven began before he could stop himself. “I also had this fight with Jasper recently, and it went really, _really_ weird, because we were actually matched once I started glowing, or at least I think I could have beaten her if she kept laughing, and I wound up hitting her so hard out of the air she made a crater in the Earth, and I guess that was probably stressful since she had me pinned and was telling me all these terrible things and I was starting to believe them and I-“

“ _Steven, Steven,_ calm down.” Garnet placed a hand on his back, watching his increasingly aggravated state with concern. “I need you to take a few breaths for me.”

Steven had raised a hand to his forehead, hunched over himself as he recalled the fight. Garnet’s hand on his back helped to ground him back in reality, and after a few deep breaths, he was able to untense and sit back up. He looked at Garnet in a panic, not having meant to spill that secret just yet.

Although there was distress in her features, Steven could tell it was aimed at him, not his fight with Jasper. He, right now, was in a panicked state, and Garnet wanted him to calm down. Once Steven was reasonably relaxed again, Garnet’s stiff features also let out tension.

“There, that’s better.” Garnet raised her hand to run through his curls. “So you and Jasper got into a fight, and you almost won?”

Steven looked off to the side. “K-kinda. I’m, um, I am the one who started it, actually. She was taunting me, and… I dunno. She got me pinned, and I started glowing, and fighting became easier.” He took a breath in. “What you said about stress… that was the first time I’d ever glowed pink. I was feeling trapped and under attack, so… I guess stress holds up. Anger could still be it, maybe…” he trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

Garnet hummed, putting her free hand on her chin.

Steven glanced up at her, his eyes widening a bit in anxiety. “Are… you gonna be okay?” _Are you going to fall apart because I attacked someone? Me, the ultimate pacifist in this house?_

“Don’t worry about me.” Garnet gave him a small yet determined smile. “I’m going to help you get to the bottom of this so we can deal with it, okay?”

Steven gazed up at her for a moment, taking in the smallest movements. Her smile was genuine, she wasn’t shaking, and her gaze was steady- all tells that she wasn’t about to fall apart. It was difficult, but if Steven really focused, he could see her eyes behind her visors, and from what he could make out, none were wild or unfocused- more tells she was okay.

She was okay.

Steven’s mouth curved up into a real smile. “Okay. Thanks, Garnet.”

Garnet gave him one more quick back rub before standing up. She left the same emptiness behind her, but compared to last night, it didn’t feel quite as cold. “If you need to talk to me about anything else, I’ll be more than willing to listen. For now, Little Homeschool opens soon.” She smiled. “See you there. Enjoy your breakfast.”

Steven grinned. “See you.”

As Garnet warped away, Steven picked up the plate of eggs again and began to dig in. It was surprising, and yet completely the norm that Garnet had listened to that and hadn’t fallen apart. As he ate, Steven wondered how much else he could tell her _~~before she split-~~_ before she would need some time to process everything.

He cleaned off his plate, made sure he had everything he’d need for the day, and in about ten minutes, was standing on the warp, ready to head to the school. He felt lighter, lighter than he had in _days._ He wasn’t about to float or anything, but even just that small amount of lifted burden was amazing.

He entered the school with the biggest smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry these are so much shorter than what I normally write ^^;
> 
> OKAY: I do not have a written outline like I usually do. This one is all in my head, since I want to let the story take me where it wants. The characters shall write it. I do have a few scenes planned out tho, and a thin trail on how to get there, but overall? Most of this is going to be improv lol.
> 
> Leave predictions in the comments! I’d love to see what your interpretations of what may happen!

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is built on people wanting more, so leave me a comment giving me your thoughts! I'd love to hear them!


End file.
